June 23, 2025
How can I overcome my fear of sharing emotions with family and friends?
As Amita Devnani, a psychologist and life coach in Gurgaon, I often meet people who ask me this very question: "Why do I find it so tough to express what I'm feeling, even to the people I care about most?" If you've ever felt this way, please know you're not alone. We all have rich inner worlds filled with thoughts, hopes, fears and emotions. But sometimes, actually saying what's on our mind feels incredibly difficult. This struggle isn't just about shyness; it often touches deep aspects of our mental health and how we connect with others. Let's look at why this happens and how we can start to open up, fostering better mental health through clearer communication.
Why We Stay Quiet: Common Reasons for Holding Back Emotions
It's usually not because we don't want to share. More often, it comes from deeper, sometimes hidden, reasons that impact our mental health:
- Fear of Being Judged or Misunderstood: A big reason is the worry about how our loved ones will react. Will they truly get what we're going through, or will they judge us? This fear can come from past experiences where sharing wasn't met with understanding, or just a general worry about being open. This constant apprehension can be a silent source of stress.
- Not Wanting to "Burden" Others: Many of us think our feelings might be a burden on others. We don't want to upset them, cause them worry, or seem "needy." While this often comes from a caring place, it can actually lead to loneliness because we're carrying our feelings all by ourselves. This self-imposed isolation can significantly impact our mental health.
- Struggling to Find the Right Words: Emotions can be confusing and overwhelming! We might feel a lot of things but just can't put them into words. This often leads to overthinking, where we play out conversations in our heads over and over without ever speaking them aloud. This cycle of internal monologue can be incredibly draining for our mental health.
- Lessons from the Past: If showing emotions when we were younger led to bad experiences – like being ignored, criticized, or even punished – we learn to hide our feelings to cope. These habits, formed early on, can unfortunately stick with us as adults, affecting our comfort with vulnerability and contributing to underlying stress.
- The Idea of Being "Always Strong": Society sometimes teaches us that showing emotions, especially difficult ones like sadness or anger, is a sign of weakness. This can put huge stress on us to always seem strong and composed, leading to hidden emotional struggles that can secretly harm our mental health.
- Trying to Avoid Fights: Sharing feelings, especially if they're different from someone else's, can feel like it will start an argument. Many of us prefer to stay quiet to keep things peaceful, even if that peace isn't truly healthy or honest. This avoidance can lead to unresolved issues and long-term stress.
What Happens When We Keep Everything Inside?
While holding back might feel easier in the moment, constantly hiding our emotions can really hurt our mental health and relationships over time:
- More Stress and Anxiety: The mental energy it takes to keep feelings locked away builds up. This can show up as physical tension, constant worry, and even panic attacks. This chronic stress directly affects our overall mental health.
- Emotional Burnout: You might feel constantly tired and drained, just from handling the heavy load of unshared feelings. It’s like carrying an invisible weight, which takes a significant toll on your mental health and energy levels.
- Damaged Relationships: When we don't share, loved ones might feel shut out, misunderstood, or even unappreciated. This can lead to feeling disconnected and resentful. Real closeness needs open talks, and without it, bonds can weaken, further contributing to feelings of loneliness.
- Physical Health Problems: Research increasingly shows that keeping emotions bottled up for a long time can actually be linked to various physical health issues, highlighting the strong connection between our emotional state and our physical well-being.
- A Path Towards Depression: When feelings aren't acknowledged and dealt with, ongoing sadness, hopelessness and loneliness can get worse and lead to depression. This shows how crucial emotional expression is for preventing more serious mental health challenges.
Finding Your Voice: Simple Steps to Share Your Feelings
Learning to express yourself takes time, just like learning any new skill. But every small step you take to open up makes a big difference to your mental health and your connections:
- Start Small, Start Safe: Pick one person you really trust. Begin by sharing something small and less intense. See how they react, and build your confidence from there. It's about gradually testing the waters.
- Use "I" Statements: Instead of blaming ("You always make me feel..."), focus on your own experience: "I feel [emotion] when [situation] happens because [reason]." This way, you talk about your feelings without accusing others, making the conversation more productive and less stressful.
- Know What You're Feeling: Sometimes, the problem is just knowing what we're feeling. Our emotions can be a mix of many things. Tools like an emotion wheel can help you name specific feelings beyond just "fine" or "bad," making it easier to communicate clearly.
- Be Kind to Yourself: This is a hard process, and it takes time to change old habits. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Acknowledge your fears, but gently push yourself to move past them. Self-compassion is key for good mental health.
- Write It Down: Journaling your thoughts and feelings can be very helpful. It helps you understand them better and reduces overthinking by getting them out of your head and onto paper. This can be a safe space to practice expressing yourself before doing it verbally.
- Get Professional Help: This is where a psychologist can offer great support. I provide a private, non-judgmental space to explore these struggles. We can work together to understand where they come from, learn good ways to communicate, and build your confidence to truly express yourself, all while supporting your mental health.
Hear More: Tune into Our Podcast!
For more insights into managing your emotions and handling life's challenges, I invite you to listen to my podcast, which features Dr. Neerja Agarwal discussing emotional dysregulation in young people. This podcast offers valuable perspectives on understanding and managing difficult emotions.
[Podcast Link: https://youtu.be/d7LwFD-wM-k]
Ready to Find Your Voice?
If you're prepared to explore your emotions in a safe and supportive place, and to improve your overall mental health and connections, I'm here to help.
Schedule a therapy appointment in Gurgaon with me, Amita Devnani. Let's work together to help you communicate better and build stronger, more real connections in your life.
Call us at +91 91510 06808 or visit our contact page to book your session today.
